Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize