What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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