Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
