Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
