Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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