I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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