one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
