I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
