i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
