I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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