my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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