I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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