i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I lost the right to judge tonight
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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