Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
