I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
