when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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