we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
