Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
