When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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