yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
