I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sex in the backyard? Check.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
