i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
