I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
