You work out of a Hotel?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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