when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pants are for mortals
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
