I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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