i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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