uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
