I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
