In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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