He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
