my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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