Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
