Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
