I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
