I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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