Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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