You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
