when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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