Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
