I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
