Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
