woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
