Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was like eating out sand paper
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
