I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
