There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
