i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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