I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
