She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
