Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
