I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
