Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
