The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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