I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
