remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
