Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he thought i was a dude.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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