i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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