just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
