he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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