Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She bit a glass in half.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
