so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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