She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
