What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
