he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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