Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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