our cab driver is having phone sex.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
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Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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