if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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