My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
