Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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