I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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