When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
