you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
