I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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