I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's official drugs can't kill me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
