i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
